HIGH GEAR/SEPTEMBER 1977

AUTOBIOGRAPHIES OF GAY MEN

WJ.R. Ackerley.. My Father and Myself. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1969. $3.95. John Reid. The Best Little Boy In the World. Ballantine Books, 1977. $1.75.).

Among the growing list of books dealing with gay subjects, one group particularly worth noting consists of autoblographies of gay men. To the list of such well-known works as Merle Miller's On Being Diferent, Christopher Isherwood's Christopher and His Kind, Dr. Howard Brown's Familiar Faces/Hidden Lives, Arnie Kantrowitz's Under the Rainbow: Growing Up Gay, Robin Maugham's Escape from the Shadows and The David Kopay Story, one should add and give special attention to J.R.

Ackerley's My Father and Myself and John Reid's The Best Little Boy in the World.

In general, gay autobiography offers two special qualities. One is to provide specific cases to demonstrate the validity of such studies based on the evaluation of data as Male Homosexuals by Weinberg and Williams. The other is the evidence they can offer to those still in the closet or those who continue to harbor the idea that their gay feelings are unique that, despite Individual differences, growing up gay, becoming aware of one's homosexuality, dealing with the anxieties that such awareness typically arouses, and seeking means to find a positive life as a gay man involve experiences common to large numbers of gays. These autobiographies

can give reassurance to those who need it and a sense of community to those who feel alone.

Ackerley's and Reid's works are quite different, but each offers something of value to the reader. The Best Little Boy In the World is both very funny and at times touching; it will have special appeal and interest to younger readers. My Father and Myself shows that in a different kind of society from ours, the problems of being a homosexual were, nevertheless, like those experienced today. One thing common to both books is an especially arresting opening sentence. "John Reld" is a pseudonym. The author satisfactorily explains his reasons for hiding his identity. Reid's book is very at-

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teresting the sections detailing the ruses Reid used to try to

tractive because he has a marvelous sense of humor about his own sometimes painful exper-deny his homosexuality even to lences. Having grown beyond the naivete of youth and strict adherence to what has been expected of him (hence the title), Reld looks back on his past experience with delightful Irony. Only twenty-five when he wrote the book, Reld has the maturity to see that his growth as a gay man is a continuing process and to look forward to further changes in his attitudes and his life.

As sophisticated as. Reid seems to be as a writer, he was equally naive as an adolescent. The extent of his Innocence and Ignorance may tax some readers' bellef if they haven't floundered in the same ways. All readers will find particularly In-

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himself.. He thinks of his Ideal relationship with other males to whom he is attracted as merely wanting "to be cowboys" with them in Wyoming. Also interesting are his first experiences out of the closet, his coming out to his friends, and his gaining experience in such Institutions of the gay world as bars, baths, and Provincetown. Readers familiar with New York, Boston and Washington will recognize particular places and varieties of experience.

Once he accepts being gay, Reid concentrates on finding the right man to be his lover. Ackerley is also concerned with the search for what he terms the "Ideal friend." There is an underlying, similarity to what they are looking for, but the difference is more significant. Like so many other British homosexual Intellectuals, Ackerley looks for emotional and he sexual satisfaction among members of the working class.

The Edwardian and postWorld War I England in which Ackerley grew to, manhood provided a different sort of particular experience from Reid's, but the reader of both books will recognize that the essential nature of each man's experience is similar. There is another theme to Ackerley's book that gives it a special quality; it is his attempt to discover the truth of his father's past and to find a common ground of experience with him. Part of the fascination of the book is the detective, story-like invesitgation of several mysteries in Ackerley's father's past. Unlike fiction, this book leaves some of the questions it raises unanswered. Ackerley's posthumous autoblography is very honest In dealing with his sexual problems, problems that prevented him from ever having a totally satisfactory. love relationship with another human being. In addition to the honesty of the presentation, the style of writing is also of interest.. Ackerley was for years the editor of The Listener, the magazine published by the B.B.C., and he writes with clarity and polish. The polish is such that one finds a colloquial term like, "cock". amusing in the context in which it is placed.

Ackerley's book should be read widely, especially by young activists who can't understand the closeted lives led by the Folder generation. The Best Little Boy In the World will appeal Immediately to all. readers. Its.. publication in paperback in a revised form should be greeted with pleasure. It is a book that will help explain gays to themselves and that can be given to family and straight friends as a means of their gaining Insight Into the experience of their gay relative or friend.